Well Hello, I have been quiet for a good four months. It wasn’t intentional, I really did start this year with good blogging intentions. Life then goes and throws a number of curve balls and as I am writing this I still don’t know if I am coming or going. Though I am still trying, to cope I mean. My stress levels have felt as though they have been shot straight through the roof and this has had a massively negative impact on my fibromyalgia and how well I manage the symptoms.
January 21st of this year we had out darling black Labrador put to sleep aged 13 years 10 months (and a day). Max was the light of our house and he kept us all going on dark and painful days. I don’t think my family would mind me saying that with the loss of Max the lights completely went out in the house and we all felt totally lost.
The last time I had experienced grief I hadn’t been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia so this time I didn’t know how I would be physically feeling. How i felt, well i felt like I had run 20 marathons followed by 10 rounds in the boxing ring only to have lost at the end of it all. I was drained. It took a good few weeks to feel as though I was back on my feet. In that time I had to carry on as I had to still see Nan and I honestly think that kept me getting up in the morning. I had to keep going.
Things did pick up in March and I started to feel like I had my fibro symptoms back under control. Pain was controlled by limited use of painkillers choosing to do small amounts of exercising and stretching to stop my body from feeling tense. The tighter and more tense I feel, the more pain I feel. I probably don’t need to tell you that, its common sense and especially to people with chronic pain. However as I sit and type this I have an ice pack between my shoulders. I find that it really helps me to relax.
At the end of March my Uncle went into hospital. He lived with Nan and this obviously made things upsetting for her as she didn’t quite understand what was going on.
My Uncle was in hospital just shy of two weeks until he sadly passed away. Telling Nan that her son had died ranks as one of the most horrible things I have ever done. She responded, thought about it and then asked whats for tea. I really hate dementia.
We adopted my Uncles pet and this is what kept us all going in the first few days and weeks following his death. Having an animal in the house again and something to come home to has been a breath of fresh air. Nan was very up and down in the few weeks following his death. Sometimes she would say that she knew it was her son, other times he was the son of her friend that she knew a long time ago.
Things changed again….
Beginning of May Nan went into hospital. There was a query that she had an infection, which apparently she didn’t and then a week into being in hospital she actually had picked up an infection and at the time of writing this I believe she has just finished her course of antibiotics and we saw her today and she is very much on the mend thankfully.
What will change is how much caring I am going to be doing for her. It has got to the point now where we require extra support. Dementia is such a shockingly shit illness and whilst I am the type of person that takes it all on my shoulders because i don’t like the idea of admitting I struggle, on the night she went into hospital I admitted I was struggling.
If I am completely honest….
I feel as though my whole world and routine has completely been turned upside down since the beginning of this year. I have suffered alot more with pain, my mental health has been suffering and I need to make a point of looking after myself. By this I mean getting good sleep, eating a good diet, making a point of doing stuff for myself and taking a rest whenever I feel like my body needs it.
For now I am going to sign off, say goodnight (go to bed!). I just wanted to let you that I know still come and read my (barely blogged) blog that I am still here and your messages over the past few months on social media have really helped!