Since 2012, maybe even earlier I’ve been on a quest to lose weight. Ironically, despite this at the time of writing this I think that I am about 6 stone heavier than back in 2012. Damn food and those pesky calories!
Relationship with food
My relationship with food is awful. You’re probably thinking – You’re a girl on the larger side Becka, you obviously eat food. Yes, I really do. I just have no control or routine. My body must think what on earth sometimes. Some days I don’t eat till 2pm and then eat everything in sight.
Breakfast is a big issue of mine. I am either not hungry or quite happy to munch a bag of crisps and go on my way. I can also have this terrible tendency to just snack my way through the day, biscuit here, crisps there. On those days I probably don’t even reach a healthy number of calories, but am probably way over my healthy level of fats for the day. The balance is complete skewed.
My biggest and most destructive downfall is eating to feed my emotions. This has most definitely got worse since I gave up gambling which I have previously discussed on social media (and soon will do on the blog).
I accepted this would probably be the case and I don’t actually punish myself for doing so or I will end up right back at square one with the gambling.
I just don’t want this to be the case for me permanently. Last month I went to the local shop and I bought about 3000kcal worth of crisps and I demolished them all, quickly (hours, not days!). It was something I felt i needed, I just needed to feed my emotions and I couldnt stop myself because it was like needing to get a “fix”. I know that feeling from my gambling days and I don’t like it because it doesnt make you happy. The effects you get from the “fix” aren’t worth the feelings afterwards.
I emotionally eat mainly when I am anxious or stressed. If I am having a happier day I am much more in control or I just don’t feel like I need food back to the extent where I don’t eat very much. As I said previously I have no routine when it comes to food. For a person who very much like routine this probably makes me more anxious.
How I plan to rectify this?
I’m not about to drop 6 stone and eat 3 set meals everyday overnight. I know this, I fully accept this and this is going to be a mindset change.
I am not going to diet. If I want a bag of crisps, I will. If I want a pizza, I will. The issues start when it becomes more than one as everything should be in moderation.
When I first started to try and give up gambling, I allowed myself 10% failure. This might sound ridiculous but it helped. Basically, in every 10 days if I slipped up once I didnt punish myself. I needed that safety net because if I am good at anything its giving myself a proper hard time. As the 1 slip ups in 10 became fewer, I changed it. 5% failure so 1 in 20 days and etc. I am going to apply this same logic to any “emotional episodes”. Though, 8 days into the new year and I haven’t emotionally ate my feelings as of yet.
Breakfast and 3 meals a day is something else I have started to tackle. I am trying to make sure that breakfast is both filling and good for me. I have found that I am starting to feel like I have more energy. I have been using myfittnesspal to track my food intake and exercise and I am finding it quite motivating.
6 stone will still leave me overweight, so i probably have about 9 stone to lose to be “healthy” but I want to lose about 7 and I WILL BE HAPPY! I hope along the journey I manage to tackle some of my emotions that cause me to feel like I need many bags of crisps or chocolate!