Dementia,  Personal

Don’t rearrange the kitchen

Having been a carer for over two years, I don’t think anyone can argue Nan and I have got a good routine going. This, incorporated with help from other family members means Nans current care needs are being met. Everything has its place, certain things happen on certain days and on the whole Nan is quite used to how things go.


Imagine my delight last week when I find that a “friend” of Nans who visits occasionally took it upon herself to rearrange items within Nans kitchen. The thing is, it wasn’t even anything remotely helpful.

For example (and not limited too) She rearranged the tea, sugar and coffee pots. Something that has been in that order for as long as I can remember. I wish I knew why she took it upon herself to do these things. I would like to tell her how awkward she could have made it. It is hard enough to encourage Nan to make a cuppa as it is. If Nan had seen that things had been moved around she would have ended up super puzzled. This would have been followed by concern that people had been in her house without her knowledge.


This woman claims to have some understanding of dementia. I cant begin to understand what was going through her head. Aside from this, my thoughts were what on earth gave her the right? An angry side of me wants to ask her who on earth she thinks she is for doing this. The sad side of me gets down. I get down because I think why has someone outside of the family decided that they have the right to interfere, am i not doing good enough?

Picking up the pieces..

In the days after this visitor Nan wanted lots of hugs and affection. I had to keep reassuring her because she trusts me.  At the time the visitor was there I don’t think she grasped the interfering. She kept saying that she didn’t understand and just let the friend carry on. Last Saturday was the first time in a long time that I have ended up at Nans late at night because she was stressed. My uncle called me to say she was agitated and I 100% believe it was related to this woman’s interfering.

How I go about things..

If I ever make changes for Nan she has to be involved in them, otherwise it will stress her. At the same time it also keeps Nan in control. Her brain may well be failing her but right now she still has the capacity to decide where things go in her kitchen or whether she likes to wear lipstick.

Lipstick is another story for another day! I feel frustrated, and like I am going to have to step in before this visitor provides me with an entire blog series of remarks.

Caring for someone is hard work and challenging and I stand by my previous post where I truly believe those carers closest and who do the most should be respected. There is no way of knowing, unless you are there regularly what the impact of your actions could have on all parties if you do not know the persons condition inside out like their full time carers.

That being said, I wouldn’t change this journey.
Caring for Nan is a beautiful thing… most of the time.

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