Doubts happen, but don’t need to win.

Posted on Posted in Anxiety, Fibromyalgia, Personal, Spoonies, University

I am coming towards the end of the teaching of the 1st semester of my masters which can only mean one thing – DEADLINES, and i’m struggling. I am not ashamed to admit that I am struggling because if this is not meant to be a walk in the park and part of me might have been more worried if i was finding it too easy because i would have been sure i was missing something!

The last two months have been amazing, I have made so many amazing friends at uni and have been totally supported by them. I am not afraid to admit I am struggling, whether that be academically or physically with pain and that is half the battle won before I’ve even got out of bed in the morning. Like last week we were on a site visit and I couldnt bend down easily to put the overshoes on my steel toe cap boots, so one of the guys did it for me. Before this would have made me feel ashamed I couldn’t do these things but i know my limitations now.

The problem is there are things that frustrate me that I can’t solve, that i can’t put right and i find myself getting stressed out. For example in one of the modules we haven’t been given our deadline date yet and I am the kind of person who needs to plan ahead, usually feels about 6 months ahead but I was getting worked up the other week because I didn’t feel like i could start it and one of my friends sat with me and we came up with “interim” dates for all my modules, none of which are any of the hand in dates (about a week before) and that way none of the dates I am working towards are the deadline dates and now i don’t feel so worked up about it.

The thing I’ve learnt is lack of experience doesn’t have to hold me back as long as i put my all into it there is opportunities out there for me that I can succeed in, and where before I would have hid in the shadows believing that because of fibro and dyslexia i didn’t deserve to take these opportunities I am going to give it my best shot. People have faith in me., and they are teaching me to have faith in myself. Its a journey but one I am loving every minute of, even when my pain is super bad because I am getting stressed over coursework. Mainly because there is always someone at the end of a phone, or a facebook convo willing to give me a motivational kick up the behind because I can DO this! Doubts happen but they don’t need to win!

Sorry I have been quiet on the blogging front, but i assure you I am still here and I have lots of ideas for the summer when things are a bit quieter uni wise 🙂

Becka

I love uni, but maybe not the early mornings!

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