Anxiety,  Awareness,  Confidence,  Personal

On a bad anxiety day…

ANXIETY— i just hate it. I have suffered for a very long time but only in the last year I have been more open about it and tried to talk about it in order to help myself overcome my issues.

On a bad day my mind can be running at a million miles an hour where my body can barely move one. It hears someone say something and automatically I misinterpret things because my mind tells me other things. It convinces me of things and tries to drag me down. Then when I find out that my rational mind and not my completely irrational mind was indeed correct I feel stupid. Without sounding mad, anxiety is like another voice in my head. It gives me all the worst case scenarios and lets me believe a good outcome is impossible.

On a really bad day I just want to hide in bed, it is exhausting and feels so much easier just to hide away. However I know this won’t help me so I am trying my best to overcome my issues. I put myself into situations I know make me anxious, normal situations.. stuff I need to overcome. I don’t mean I put myself in dangerous situations! Like learning to drive, 1 year ago I wouldn’t have been able to get in the driving seat of a car, I couldn’t even go on the website to book my theory test for at least 6 months without getting full of stress and nerves. Now I have PASSED my theory test and I am in the 4th week of lessons! My driving test is booked and whilst I still get nervous it is no where like it used to be… I am getting more confident.

It is overcoming anxieties one at a time that it making me realise before long I will control anxiety, anxiety won’t control me. As long as I am aware of my triggers and know how to deal with them and KNOW that it is my anxiety and not me going mad eventually I will get back on my feet. I just want people to be aware that bad days happen, I might snap.. look like I can’t be bothered but on a bad day I find it hard to concentrate on anything other than the things that are bothering me so in a way maybe I can’t be bothered as all my spoons have been used up on kicking anxieties butt!

Come at me Anxiety, give me bad days if you must but eventually I will have good months and your bad days will become nothing to me!

Becka ­čÖé

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